This weekend, I had the pleasure of performing a story live at The Comedy Arena. If you happened to miss the event, no worries. The text of what I performed (for the most part) is below. Some of it was improvised in the moment because that’s just how my brain works. I didn’t record the … Continue reading Miles and Miles
It’s that time of year again. September 14, 2017 is the day my dad died. The days up until that day are harder than other days in the year. It’s also kind of weird timing this year because Christie and I are headed off to start our tour ON September 14. I’ll be on a … Continue reading Lost and Found
The most cosmopolitan friend I have is my former coworker, Meagan. When I recently texted her the link to a Louis Vuitton Neverfull with hot pinking lining at 1AM, asking, “Is this cute or tacky? I am too influenced by Lisa Vanderpump,” she replied thoughtfully the next day. “It’s not tacky, but it’s v basic,” … Continue reading Gold Standard Girlfriend
One of the best parts about working for myself is doing things at off-hours. Going to the grocery store, for instance, is much less stressful during the day when you’re only there with stay-at-home parents, retired folks, and Instacart shoppers. In that relaxed state, not having to rush around the after-fivers in their rolled-up button-downs … Continue reading Fire Sale on a Life Well Lived
As I sat with my former seventh-grade English teacher turned grown-up friend, Kay, at brunch the other day, we bonded over our shared disdain for a man at a table just adjacent to us. He was bald, maybe 50, wearing a navy polo shirt with some embroidery on the chest. We were at Café Brazil, … Continue reading Brain Matter
I had a kidney stone last summer. I’m ok now! There are many possible causes of kidney stones, but I can already tell you what caused mine: the pandemic.Seriously, I blame COVID. I used to drink off-brand La Croix from the grocery store called Soleil. Then the pandemic hit, and I refused to go to … Continue reading Live Tweeting My Kidney Stone
There was a period in my early thirties that I had a lump behind my right ear. Maybe it was there for a year, maybe 5 years. But right at the base of my ear where my lobe dangles near my neck, there once lived a small lump. It was nothing to worry about at … Continue reading Home Remedy
I’ve been watching a lot of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills recently. I never really liked reality shows before. I only started watching because we were covering the Erika Jayne/Tom Girardi scandal on Sinisterhood.This is only for work, I told myself when I pressed play. I don’t like these shows. I am not the type of person who likes these shows. I’m … Continue reading The Most Shameless Women This Country’s Ever Seen
It’s after midnight, eastern time. I am sitting in a hotel room in Philadelphia, listening to Bo Burnham’s INSIDE. Kolchak: The Night Stalker is muted on the TV. I am going to send this out to you all in the morning.I usually like to draft this newsletter during the week. At the very worst, I write it early … Continue reading Showing Up
Earlier this month, I drove out to a town just west of Dallas-Fort Worth called Mineral Wells. It’s a good hour from Fort Worth, which is already a good hour from my house in East Dallas. It was one of my final assignments at my day job, and I was glad to do it. Part … Continue reading Just As It Once Was
Heather vs. the World 