Essay
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Gold Standard Girlfriend
The most cosmopolitan friend I have is my former coworker, Meagan. When I recently texted her the link to a Louis Vuitton Neverfull with hot pinking lining at 1AM, asking, “Is this cute or tacky? I am too influenced by… Continue reading
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Fire Sale on a Life Well Lived
One of the best parts about working for myself is doing things at off-hours. Going to the grocery store, for instance, is much less stressful during the day when you’re only there with stay-at-home parents, retired folks, and Instacart shoppers.… Continue reading
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Brain Matter
As I sat with my former seventh-grade English teacher turned grown-up friend, Kay, at brunch the other day, we bonded over our shared disdain for a man at a table just adjacent to us. He was bald, maybe 50, wearing… Continue reading
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Live Tweeting My Kidney Stone
I had a kidney stone last summer. I’m ok now! There are many possible causes of kidney stones, but I can already tell you what caused mine: the pandemic. Seriously, I blame COVID. I used to drink off-brand La Croix… Continue reading
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Home Remedy
There was a period in my early thirties that I had a lump behind my right ear. Maybe it was there for a year, maybe 5 years. But right at the base of my ear where my lobe dangles near… Continue reading
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The Most Shameless Women This Country’s Ever Seen
I’ve been watching a lot of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills recently. I never really liked reality shows before. I only started watching because we were covering the Erika Jayne/Tom Girardi scandal on Sinisterhood. This is only for work, I told myself when I pressed play. I… Continue reading
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Showing Up
It’s after midnight, eastern time. I am sitting in a hotel room in Philadelphia, listening to Bo Burnham’s INSIDE. Kolchak: The Night Stalker is muted on the TV. I am going to send this out to you all in the morning. I usually… Continue reading
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Just As It Once Was
Earlier this month, I drove out to a town just west of Dallas-Fort Worth called Mineral Wells. It’s a good hour from Fort Worth, which is already a good hour from my house in East Dallas. It was one of… Continue reading
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As Seen on TV
Today I found myself in a place I often am – the Starbucks drive through. While we waited for my drink, the barista in the window and I made small talk. “Did you do anything fun today?” she asked. “I… Continue reading
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Screaming at the Screen
“That’s Lynn,” my mom said, pointing to a woman we had only ever met online. I was twelve and accompanying my mom on an in-person meeting of her fellow members of the Mature Fan Club for the Backstreet Boys, an… Continue reading
Heather versus the World 