(TW: Eating disorders)“Don’t go in there!” I hollered after my fiancé, Paris, as he headed into our bedroom. He didn’t listen, charging in to see four piles of clothes on our bed at least as high as his head.“Making progress?” he asked.“I have a system,” I said as he walked through the room and into … Continue reading Someday Today
I am a gambler. I love scratch offs and slot machines and the thrill of “maybe.” It is because I am an optimist. Most rational people look at a slot machine with a giant jackpot flashing in lights and think, Yeah right. They see a scratcher promising the possibility of $10,000 per week for the rest … Continue reading The Maybe Payoff
I promise this newsletter is not all about people who die. However, this week is going to be about another person who has died. We lost my high school speech teacher, Coach Copeland, this week. He was a mainstay in my hometown. A beloved football coach. A family man. And a damn fine comedian.I only … Continue reading Vocal Coach
I’m stupid with my money, but that’s pretty obvious about me considering I went to law school. Not only that, I also just buy stupid stuff. The award for stupidest purchase likely belongs to the brand-new motorcycle I bought in 2018.This purchase was deemed medically stupid by an actual doctor. That year, before beginning my … Continue reading Bye Bye Bike
Early last summer when the virus reemerged even worse than before, people tried finding safe ways to connect with those most vulnerable. I ended up involved in one of those ways by virtue of an outdoor parade at a retirement community. Paris and I stood, mask on, among a crowd of volunteers on a street … Continue reading Have A Day (Happy)
On the Pulaski stop of the orange line, headed toward Chicago’s Midway Airport, a man stepped into my train car wearing no pants. From the waist up, he was quite dapper, wearing a beige sport coat, a matching button down, and a dark tie, neatly knotted. His hair was a bit wild, a mess of … Continue reading I Love You, You Monster
Before the pandemic, I didn’t give a fuck about Billy Joel. I mean, I knew who he was. He’s the piano man. He plays at the bar, and they put bread in his jar. He is also the guy who really wants us to know that he did NOT commit arson. Like to a suspicious degree.If you … Continue reading Damn You, Billy Joel
This week, amidst the Texas freeze, I found myself crouched in front of my house in the snow with my brother-in-law, Aaron, absolutely vexed by my water meter cover. It’s a circle of metal, about the size of a personal pan pizza, and can be removed with an aptly named “water meter box key” which … Continue reading Won’t You Be My Helper?
This past week on the Sinisterhood Patreon, we released a new “Am I the Asshole” episode. There is a website on which users ask whether their behavior in interpersonal relationships is or is not acceptable. The other users judge their behavior by voting one of three ways: YTA – you’re the asshole; NTA – not the asshole; … Continue reading Just Desserts
(When I was a kid, maybe nine years old, I remember sitting at home with my mom on a Saturday night, waiting to drive back up to our local mall and pick up my sister, Shannon, at closing time. She was around 15 then, outfitted with a pager my mom bought for her at that … Continue reading Mall Madness
Heather vs. the World 